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on kate hudson, mommy wars & c-sections

9/18/2017



By now, it's unlikely that you haven't seen the firestorm that Kate Hudson's responses in October's issue of Cosmo has kicked up.  If not, let me break it down for you.  Every covergirl fills out a fill-in-the-blank style questionnaire.  The questions are pretty standard from month to month and Kate filled in the blanks indicating the laziest thing that she's ever done was to get a c-section.

Here's where I ask you to take a deep breath and hear me out on this.

These days, it takes a far more benign response than that to garner such a firestorm, so it came as NO surprise to me that mothers came out of the woodwork blasting Kate for her remark.  I've found that people love to take offense and nothing gets people more riled up than their opinions on birth and children.  It's important to note, Kate Hudson didn't say that you were lazy for getting a c-section; she said that it was the laziest thing that she had done.  There was no judgement or commentary attached to it - only a statement as to her own actions.

From all accounts, Kate Hudson is a fantastic mother.  She very openly loves her children and is very candid about her life and how she parents.  (If you don't follow her on social media, I recommend that you do.  She's refreshingly funny.)  Kate's even gone on record about her first son's birth via c-section as something that as a first-time mother in the spotlight, she didn't want to have to contend with the uncertainty of the birthing process coupled with photographers who were stalking the hospital.

So if you strip away all of the things that make Kate Hudson, well Kate Hudson, you have a first time mother who is anxious about her child's entrance into the world and who made a decision as to how to best address that for her, as well for her unborn child.

Does that sound familiar? It should. 

I can't tell you how many people, myself included, who are anxious about their child's entrance into this world.  Who spend countless hours worrying, imagining the what-could-go-wrongs, and the what-if scenarios of childbirth and who ultimately make a decision and take action as to how to manage those feelings.

So why is it that we are so quick to jump on Kate Hudson, or anyone for that matter, on their decisions when it comes to children? Why is it that we turn such a benign statement about herself and make it about us and our own feelings on the matter? Here is innately what I find to be wrong with how we interact these days, we lack empathy and understanding for practically anyone and everyone around us.  We live in an age where we can jump behind a keyboard and not take the time to interact with someone at a fundamental level about a topic.  And moms, we are kinda the worst.  We are quick to provide our own tidbits of wisdom without an invitation but quick to discount others perspective or wisdom when they do the same.  We are our own worst enemies in this.  We often feel judged because WE judge others for their decisions that aren't aligned with our own.  I often find that in these instances the backlash is more attributed to the person's own issues/feelings on the matter than what was actually said.

The topic of methods of having birth is a tricky one.  It's a minefield of emotions and opinions.  Should Kate have been less glib about her response? Perhaps, but should the collective we been more understanding? Absolutely.  And speaking as someone who has had children both ways, there is no easy way to have children and I would imagine the same to be so for couples who expand their families via adoption or surrogacy.  This whole parenting thing is a crazy ride and it's about time we stop firing off attacks and opinions and start meeting each other side by side and eye to eye.  And please, stop taking everything so personally.

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1 comments

  1. There will always be mommy wars between the opinionated. i personally did not take offense to her comment but knew that others would.

    This past pregnancy was my toughest and as much as I wanted to have a natural birth, I was 'lazy' and got an epidural. Sometimes you have to do what's best for you and for baby - be it a c-section or other. What's most important is that her son is here, healthy, and loved beyond measure! So take that mom shamers!!

    Marissa
    www.shabbychiccheap.com

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